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My Survival Guide
MY VERY OWN SURVIVAL GUIDE
Life is all about making mistakes, learning or not learning from them is your choice. Mistakes are what you will remember and laugh upon, when you will get old, cranky, isolated, disgraced, I may have exaggerated the old condition a bit, but some or the other way, you will surely laugh upon them.
So here I am, sharing a few mistakes that I made, hoping you won’t do them, because, believe me, some mistakes shouldn’t be committed!
NO MORE-THINKING THAT BEING COCKY CAN LAND YOU GIRLS
I know a lot of guys have been inspired by CALIFORNICATION, CHARLIE SHEEN in TWO AND A HALF MEN and DRAKE BELL’s TV show, where, they’d land up ultra hot girls with some cocky comments , well the most famous I remember is –
“YOU WOULD LOOK GOOD IF YOU LOSE 5 POUNDS, AND I GUESS YOUR CLOTHES WEIGH EXACTLY THAT “
Hmm, believe me, all they would do, is land you a slap, not a hot girl!
And never, ever, ever, tell a girl she has a nice ass!
I did that once, a girl that I was really attracted to, slow dancing at a party, perfect song “I have the time of my life”, and suddenly, I blurt it out, “WOW YOU HAVE A NICE ASS”, and luckily, I didn’t get slapped,
She just left me there with some goodbye words – “YOU’RE AN ASS, PERV!”
So, please, don’t even think about it, cockiness with your girlfriend is a thumbs up, but not with anyone else!
NO MORE-KEEPING RUBBER IN YOUR WALLET
No matter what the urgency is, no matter how much you trust your parents, but the truth is,
PARENTS DO CHECK YOUR WALLETS SECRETLY!
P.S I am using the word “rubber “ , because it seems really cheap using “condom”.
When you’re far away, out with friends, thinking, what bad could possibly happen,
well, you come back, and see that wicked look in your dad’s eyes.
AND SUDDENLY, you see your wallet lying on the bed, your heart beat races like a McLaren, You hastily check your wallet for those rubbers, and puff, they ain’t there anymore.
Now, you’ll have to face a month of embarrassment and questions- WHY DO YOU HAVE RUBBER IN YOUR WALLET?
And believe me, nothing could be more embarrassing,
it’s like, as they say – “PAYING FOR SOMETHING YOU HAVEN’T DONE”
Cause, if you really did something with them, the rubber would have been used, and not been kept in your wallet.
And believe me, you won’t be sitting with your dad for the next month, and your mom will start looking upon you as a crazy nymphomaniac; you can’t make any excuse to escape that!
So, IF YOU REALLY NEED THEM, BUY THEM OFF THE DRUGGIST MOMENTS BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY NEED THEM!
NO MORE-MAKING A USELESS EXCUSE FOR THE ABOVE INCIDENT
Now with discovery, comes explanation.
Of course your parents will ask you why you kept rubber with you in the first place.
(haha. Like they really don’t know)
But, it’s our birth right to make silly excuses, right?
The best thing is, KEEP MUM, RUN AWAY FROM HOME, COME BACK WHEN EVERYONE IS ASLEEP, AND DO IT ON A DAILY BASIS FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS,
But, the silliest excuse you can make is – “AHH, ACTLY, IT WAS RAINING, AND I HAD TO KEEP MY PHONE DRY, AND MY FRIEND GAVE ME RUBBER TO COVER MY PHONE WITH IT!”
HAHAHA! What was I thinking?
THAT’S THE SINGLE MOST INSANE EXCUSE THAT ANYONE COULD’VE MADE.
so, please, FIRSTLY, DON’T KEEP RUBBER IN YOUR WALLET,SECONDLY,DON’T GIVE THIS INSANE EXCUSE OF KEEPING YOUR PHONE DRY,AS MOST PROBABLY, YOU ALL WILL BE HAVING SOME BIG BROAD SMARTPHOES, AND BELIEVE ME…
“NO RUBBER CAN COVER IT!”
NO MORE-THINKING, IT’S SAFER TO BRING A GIRL HOME, THAN GOING TO A GIRL’S PLACE
Ohk, you have this really hot girl in your life, and you both are all set to make out and get cozy and stuff,
Pool of hormones gushing in your body, making your brain’s logical part completely dysfunctional.
So, you start thinking about place, NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU A HOTEL ROOM!
So, it narrows down to either your place or hers,
she would be as usual, very negative about her place, “OHH, MAYBE MY BRO WILL COME HOME, OR MAYBE MOM AND DAD WILL COME BACK FROM HALFWAY TO JAIPUR(come on! They are not really going to come back half way from jaipur!)”
And as stated earlier, your logic is over flooded with hormones, and you decide to bring her at your place when your mom is out shopping!
Well, everything is fine, until, your mom calls you up, “I’ll BE BACK IN 2 MIUTES”
GOOD GRACIOUS, you ask her to leave! But, as you know, GIRLS NEED A HELL LOT OF TIME TO GET READY!
So, she’d kick you out of the room, starts getting ready to go back to her place, you keep on knocking the door telling her to hurry up!
And, THE BEST PART!
You better know that winter dressing, can cause you a lot of trouble when it comes to redressing! Sweaters, pullovers, cap, mufflers, and NOW IMAGINE A GIRL WEARING THEM, so, minimum, half an hour (considering your mom will be back in 2 minutes)
Now, be prepared to introduce her to your mom, AND PLEASE, DON’T MAKE AN EXCUSE THAT SHE WAS HERE FOR THE COLLEGE NOTES, because, after the rubber incident that I talked about above, YOUR MOM WON’T REALLY BELIEVE IT.
NO MORE-THINKING, IT’S THE SIZE OF THE FIGHT IN A DOG THAT MATTERS, NOT THE SIZE OF THE DOG IN A FIGHT
The above concept is completely bogus; the size of the dog in a fight really matters!
I grew up watching ROCKY movies, seeing Sylvester Stallone beating guys taller, better stronger than him, had a long lasting effect on my mind, and somehow I always ended up relating to Stallone, that’s where the biggest mistake was.
Me, I am an athlete, 5’9 (not too tall), lean, and not at all the macho type.
And I ended up in a fight with a 6’1” humongous guy.
As I expected, these words started hovering in my mind, IT’S THE SIZE OF THE FIGHT IN A DOG THAT MATTERS!
And, I felt a rush of adrenaline in my body, I started feeling like rocky against the RUSSIAN FIGHTER DRAGO, and , with all this pumping, I punched the guy with all I had right in the nose,
the next thing I know, I WAS FACING THE GROUND, AND COULDN’T FEEL MY BODY.
1. PUNCHING SOMEONE CAN MESS UP YOUR KNUCKLES
2. LANDING A PUNCH TO A STRONGER GUY CAN GET YOU IN EXTREME TROUBLE
THANK YOU ROCKY BALBOA!
Hope you won’t be as crazy to try these things out, because, it’s no fun to be learning these stuff, through practicality!
Have a happy and safe life, without such embarrassment!
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